When the Hell Did I Get So Strong?

Valentine's Day was lame.
It was a very typical Tuesday, but given the added pressure of being THEE holiday for love and gifts and romance, well...it sucked.

And I didn't care one bit.

I am very happy to report that my husband and I  have been married for so long that we are far past the point when our relationshp hinged on a night or even a conversation.
I have (on more than one occasion) imagined my husband walking in the room and saying,

"It's over. I'm leaving you."

Stupid thing to do, I know.

We are each a little bit crazy and my type of crazy comes in the form of abandonment. My parents both sort of checked out at one point and, although I didn't know it, that time planted a small seed in my heart that has grown to bear the fruit of "Any one who has ever loved you will leave you."

Believe me, it's bitter and causes heartburn.

But considering my husband and his unyeilding love, devotion and obsessive loyalty,
 I'm not afraid he will leave me.
 Ever.
Ever, ever.

In fact, if he walked into the room right now and said, "We need to talk. I'm leaving you", I would laugh and call him a liar.

And for me, that HUGE.

HUGE.

I don't know when I changed. It wasn't very long ago that, in that same scenario, I would have lowered my head and said to myself, "I knew it was too good. Because if you love me, you will eventually leave me."
But I don't believe that anymore.


And that is a gift that can't be bought or baked.
It's a gift that has taken 18 years to create and it outshines every bobble I can dream up.

Sometimes marriage is magical and thrilling.
Sometimes it is he and I, in the trenches, praying that we are digging faster than the mess that is rainging down on us.

But it is always, always he and I giving each other the benefit of the doubt.

All this outpouring of personal information was inspired by this snipit from the blog CJanerun.com.
She's a fav of mine and I hope she doesn't mind if I share with you a bit of her genius:


"And this: relationships work when we sacrifice negative beliefs about ourselves, and in that process we become the best thing that's ever happened to anyone.

And this: a successful marriage is about two people engaged and dedicated to overcoming selfishness--for the rest of their lives."

So, in short, I hope your Tuesday was thrilling and lavish and breathtaking.

Mine wasn't.
 But there's always Wednesday.....