My husband tried to sneak in a kiss on the lips this morning before he had brushed his teeth.
I've been on my guard pretty much the rest of the day.
I stepped out in sweat pants with my highschool logo on them while simultaniously wearing a Twilight apron. My shame knows my bounds. But all I did was go to Walmart, where I fit right in. I did stop off to get another diet coke, but Janelle, the convienence store lady, had already seen me twice, today, in my leopard print slippers that I bought AT a grocery store IN Idaho.
Again, shame...no bounds...
My day really was going quite marvelously. I was watching the 6 hour version of Pride and Prejudice while clobbering my laundry pile. Calvin bounced in and out and around me and Kelly and I were being pithy and smug in our texts. Who could ask for more?
But then I ran out of fabric softener.
Hence the speedy jaunt to Walmart. Where my happiness was sucked right out of me. Between the squeaky, way-ward shopping cart that left my right bicep sore from trying to force the cart foreward and not into the lady wheeling her oxygen tank round, I was done. My cocoon of bliss at home awaited me. But so did the bell ringer and a petition signer.
The petition guy got me first.
Would I sign a ballot measure to legalize marijuana?
No. "Sorry", I said, "But my husband is law enforcement and he catches so many of the worst guys because they have a small amount of drugs on them."
SPeaking of drugs, which we were, the petition guy looked like he had smoked a bit in his time because clearly my words were too much for him. He looked at me, said, "Dude" and then I said, "Dude" and I went on my less than merry way.
My husband called while I was driving. He had stopped off at the house for lunch... how was I doing... what's new.... He was interested in what I had to say until I got to the, "I bought a different kind of fabric softener. Purple Fusion Snuggle. It was on sale." I knew he had checked out at that point so I threw in, "I read a great article about Karma Sutra. I can't wait for you to get home."
He was back.
I admitted my lie. We hung up.
On the way home, I got a fresh 54 ounces of liquid love. When I got home, I unloaded my purchases and went back to Mr. Darcy just as he asked Elizabeth if her feelings were unchanged.
Almost immediately, I was better. And then my mother in law texted me to tell me she had just ordered me 3 new pairs of shoes and went on to say that "it was a lucky day for us when you came into our family."
Wow, right?
I know!
And by the time Elizabeth and Darcy and Jane and Bingley became man and wife, it was time to take my daughter to ballet. So I snuck into the kitchen, hid the big bag of Cheetos inside my coat, grabbed my drink and told the boys I would be back.
Then I sat in my car, fingers orange and coated and salty and debated, with Kelly, the pros and cons of giving a bidet as a holiday gift.
All in all, a great day.
P.S. For $200 more, The Brondell Swash 1000 has a warm air dryer and an automatic deodorizer. Something to think about.
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