I Am a Loser

My husband just had a birthday. He is 38, graying at the temples. The skin around his eyes is getting crinkly. I'm in love all over again.

When we first met, I was bold enough to declare that I didn't want to kiss him for a loooong time. At that time, I thought it would be fun to enjoy the anticipation of a first kiss. He played along. The more we hung out, the more I wanted to kiss him. In fact, 5 minutes after I made that stupid, stupid declaration, I was kicking myself. Props to me for lasting 2 days. Even by then, my mother and everyone around knew the deal and when I finally couldn't stand it any more, I planted one on him. My mother was in the other room with a guy she was dating. After the kiss, Bryan proudly annoucned, "I got her!" My mom sighed deeply and her boyfriend declared something like, "I knew she wouldn't make it."

One point for him.

While we were engaged, a young lady flew to California from France with the singular goal of stopping our wedding. It was a confusing few days. I tried to be polite despite the obvious discomfort. I even took her out for ice cream. While with me she was capable of speaking and understanding English. When ever Bryan was in the room, she suddenly lost her abilities and would only communicate in French, which meant she would only talk to and through Bryan. It was weird and seemed like something from a lame soap opera, but after a few days, she was convinced that he wasn't going to marry her and she left. In fact, we drove her to the airport. I'm not sure I would believe her gone until I saw her face in the little airplane window as it taxied down the runway.
On the way home, relief prevailed! We were giddy and happy until  he announced he needed a kleenex to blow his nose. I had nothing that would work. For whatever reason, he picked his nose. And yes, he in fact needed a big tissue. Again, I had no such thing. So while driving down 101, he dared me to eat his booger. (Why am I telling you this? WHY?).
 We had a complete conversation detailing the specifics of the dare and it's subsequent reward:
I eat the booger- no I couldn't have anything to wash it down with- yes I had to chew it at least once- and for that I would have bragging rights (?) and the $300 purse of my dreams. I will be honest, I thought about it. But only for a second. What can I say? I am a handbag junkie. Ultimately, I refused.
And woke up the next week to a big Nordstrom box bearing a gift...for me.

One point for me.

Not long, maybe a year ago, we decided on a night in. We borrowed a movie from a friend. To make it interesting, I said we should play "Strip Movie". We each had to pick a word and everytime someone in the movie said that word, the OTHER person had to remove an article of clothing.
I picked first. We were watching a James Bond movie so, like the freaking genius that I am, I picked "martini". I was so proud of myself.
He picked "the".

One point for him.

And so the game goes on. Rest assured, I am losing horribly.